Pretty In Black
by BrokenRosePetals
Summary: Appearances are quite deceiving. Chapter 10 out! All human. canon couples, ExB, RxEm, JxA
1. Chapter 1

**Full Summary- Enter- Bella, an emo with issues. Enter- Edward, a Charmer with problems. Bella, her family being torn apart by the seams...and Edward, his Mother dying. They both go to two different things for comfort- knives and sex. Can they somehow realize who each other is...before both of their lives are destroyed...by themselves?**

**Disclaimer- I do not own any form of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.**

. . .

BELLA POV

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!! GET YOUR LITTLE PATOOTIE DOWN HERE!" My Mother shouted. I sighed and put down the black eyeliner. She couldn't shut up for a minute, could she?

"What?" My voice, very annoyed, floated into her ears as I walked down the stairs, my black backbag in hand. She turned from the counter- a huge grin on her face that was instantly dissolved when she took in my appearance.

All black.

She hated it.

"Bella," She started, her voice not at all soothing, "I wanted to tell you something. You know how...well...er...Since your Father died in that car crash-"

"What car crash?" I never really came to terms with his death. She sighed in defeat.

"Well, I know what car crash. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that since my divorced from Phil last year-"

"That little squirt who tried to make it with the big boys?" I interrupted. An annoyed look found it's way to her face.

"Whatever. Anyway, I've decided that we're moving from Phoenix to my hometown- Forks, Washington. You know, your Father dying when you were just 4...Poor poor Charlie...Anyway, I thought me marrying again would be good for you, but now I think moving would be for the best." Her face looked hopeful- hoping that I agreed.

I saluted her with a bored look on my face.

"Whatever." Not like I cared where I lived. As long as I could get my needs.

"Alright!" Brighted instantly that she knew I didn't totally despised the idea, from what she could tell, she immediately started to rattle off things about the move, before she came to a halt suddenly.

"Bella?" She asked hesitantly. I think my having a 'I want to kill myself' expression on my face made her stop.

"What?" I asked, irritated.

"Well, I said that when you got home from school you would probably need to start packing...we're leaving in a week." She finished. I raised an eyebrow.

"And?" I finally asked. She looked nervous. She always looked nervous around me.

"Uhm...I guess that's it?" She said, more of a question than an answer. I gave her a quick nod and walked past her to the door, slamming it loudly. My only problem with the moving thing was that I would have to tell Rosalie goodbye. Ugh. She was like, my only little friendy in this cliquey...cliche place called High School.

Well, I was a Junior, but whatever.

"Hey Bella, sit back here!" She patted a seat next to her on the bus in the back- people mostly shied away from our...uh...kind. Yeah, kind.

"Hm." I sat down with a 'humph!', then threw my bag on the floor unconsciously.

"You okay, Bells?" She asked as she traced black eyeliner, looking in a mini compact. I nodded, distracted.

"I'm moving." I blurted out suddenly. She didn't look surprised. I knew she wouldn't.

"You had it coming. You scare the shit out of your Mom. Thank god I don't have parents. Still, it's a bummer you're leaving. Promise to write?" I rolled my eyes. Even if I did, she would never remember to.

"Promise." But, being me, I promised anyway.

"Great." She grinned, putting her eyeliner away.

"Now," She continued, "You will tell me about all of the hot boys you scare away when you get there." I giggled. Huh. The other people on the bus looked at me like I was an idiot. Hadn't they seen an emo giggle before?

"I won't scare any away, Rose." I told her halfheartedly. She never believed anything I said, so I saw no point in lying to her. But I wasn't sure that wasn't a lie...Like I said, they shied away.

"Anyhoo, where are you moving?" She asked as she sat up gracefully- the bus had just stopped. I got up, too, but I can't say it was graceful.

"Forks, Washington." I answered, grabbing my bag and walking down the bus.

"Oooh!" Excitement laced her voice. "Dreary! I likey!" I just rolled my eyes. I knew she hated dreary places. I really had no idea why she was a goth...emo whatever. She was the complete opposite on the inside...however, on the outside, I couldn't be so sure. She was classified as a goth/emo, anyway. For her clothes. God, the world was so biased.

. . .

"Do you have all of your things, Bella?" Mom asked. I nodded, not interested. We just got off the plane, and were about to catch a cab to my Mom's old place with...I shook my head, dispelling all thoughts of him.

I had never been to Forks. I had to reason to. All of my grandparents were either dead or just lived too far away to visit- no one in Forks I remotely knew.

I suddenly missed Rosalie.

Mom flagged a cab down seconds later- he planned to drive us all the way to Forks- we were in Port Angelos now. Ugh. Forks was so small they didn't even have an airplane terminal. Thingy. Whatever.

As soon as we got in the car, Renee started to sing- I had no idea what, it was so off key, so I just ignored her and grabbed my ipod out, then blasted Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana in my ears until we got to a little old house...Not bad, not little, not big. Kinda like our old house, except the other one was nice and yellow and warm...This one just felt dead, like no one had been in it in years, which was probably true.

I already liked it.

"Go on in honey, I'll grab our bags. Your bedroom is on the left upstairs...I got it fixed up in dark purple and black." She said disractedly, paying the old, grumpy cab driver.

I slung my one bag that held all of my most important possesions and trudged up to the house; it was drizzling, and by the wet ground, I could tell it had been raining earlier.

Walking in the house, it felt like any other house...that would have been in the 80's or 90's. I was sure Renee would fix that later with her toucher upper thing she always did.

Finally meeting the stairs, my black jean covered legs lead me to waltze up the stairs...as good as I could. I was never the most coordinated person.

Grabbing a doorhandle, I guessed this was my room; it had a little black paint splashed on the door. Opening it, I was fairly surprised and delighted to know that she had kept true to her promise- it was black, with dark violet splayed here and there, and my bed with violet sheets, then some mahogany dressers here and there and simple nessecities. Nice.

Throwing my bag on the old wood floor, I flew into the bed, at that moment totally ignoring the fact that come Monday- tomorrow- I would have to go through that stupid new girl routine again. I was tempted to find my pocketknife, but knew that I shouldn't- Renee could walk in at any moment.

. . .

**Think of this as a prolouge. There will be another in Edward's POV, then the real story will start. First, though, pretty please review and tell me if I should keep this story or not. I really need you guys' opinions.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight in any shape or form. Stephenie Meyer does.**

. . .

I raised my head, but it fell back down a second later- mostly because of the revolting smell of sex in the room.

Just like every other Sunday morning. Me waking up with a girl I don't even remember getting in bed with.

I took a chance and glanced at the girl next to me. Long, curly black hair and fair skin.

Nah, I didn't remember her.

It's not that I was one of those wine, dine, 69 kind of guys. Quite the contrary. I actually used to be a gentleman- I still am, in some ways. But since Mothe- I couldn't think of her...Elizabeth got cancer when I was 15, I had changed. I took to sex to get rid of those horrible images of her in the hospital bed, Father always hovering by her side, his face in his hands.

I shook my head, to clear my thoughts, then grabbed some clothes and I was gone.

I couldn't bear to have the reminder of what I did last night sketched into my head- an innocent, girl, (I'm not so sure she was that innocent), but, still...

I sighed and opened the door to the house, hoping no one was home, or at the least, only Alice.

Hm. Seems like no one was-

"Finally. I thought you weren't coming back this time!" And tiny Alice heaved a sigh of relief.

She wasn't my sister- nor was I related to her in any way. My Aunt and Uncle- Esme and Carlisle Cullen- had adopted her, so in a way, I suppose she was my cousin. They had also adopted Emmett- he was the same age as us. Esme and Carlisle stayed at our house often, since Father was normally not home often, so that usually meant Alice staying here, too, along with Emmett.

It usually didn't bother me, aside from the constant teasing I got from Emmett and the unwanted makeovers I got from Alice, some including...I shuddered. Makeup.

"I thought you- or Emmett, or anyone else for that matter, weren't coming today?" I didn't mean to be rude, but I think I'm always alittle snippy after...well, you get it.

She knew not to take it to heart, though, and smiled anyway.

"Well, I'm not. I just wanted to tell you that a new girl is coming to school tomorrow." I raised an eyebrow.

"I was bored, and checked school records." She didn't look shameful at all.

I rolled my eyes.

"And I need to know this, why?" I asked. She pouted.

"New information is always helpful, in some way!" She defended, but her face got softer a second later.

"And...I went to the hospital to see Elizabeth earlier," I flinched, but she continued, "And they say she's doing a little better."

"Not good enough to save her life..." I muttered, threw the things I had in my hand on the floor, and walked out the door. I could stay with Emmett at his house until the party tonight at Lauren's.

. . .

"Hey Edward!" Mike slurred, walking up to me, a styrofoam cup of beer in his hand. I nodded, acknowledging him. I never really liked him, but I didn't completely hate him. Just alittle annoying, that was all.

"You should totally go for Jessica." He stated. "She would be such a good friendgirl."

Emmett, who was beside me, burst out laughing.

"He's so stoned." He choked out, slapping his knee.

I rolled my eyes. I had done that so many times today I couldn't keep count.

As Mike walked away, I conteplated just going home instead of well...'bedding' Jessica, but the thoughts of Mother in the hospital bed and the words I exchanged will Alice earlier made my legs have a mind of their own, and I was soon walking across the crowded dance floor, on my way to Jessica.

She looked up from gossiping with Lauren, and as soon as she seen me, winked flirtatiously. Well, in my drunken stupor, it looked flirtatious.

"Well, Eddie, would you like to come upstairs for a little...talk?" She asked, motioning to the stairs, some people already rushing up them.

At that moment, me drunk and just about to have sex, I could forget that Mother was sick with cancer, forget that I had school tomorrow.

Forget that I was ruining my life.

. . .

**Note- I think I got everything, but let me say something- Jasper lives with Rosalie, both of them orphans. And I had to make this one shorter, and Edward WAAAAAAAY OOC...but don't worry- he'll be normal...after awhile. As normal as a god can get. But I had to make this one shorter because I'm terrible at doing boys...mens POVS. I am a girl, and it terrified me to write 'I used to be a gentleman.' ANYWAY, **

**Review! Tell me what you think! The more reviews I get the faster and better updates YOU get!**

**P.S. I actually had this done a few hours after the first chapter, but I'm a review whore so I waited to post it. Has anyone done that? Be truthful.**

**P.S.S. I'm so nice. I was going to post this tomorrow, since my day totally sucked, ending with me getting soap in my eye in the shower, not to mention someone turning the water on in the house and totally freezing to death in the shower.**

**P.S.S.S. (I swear, this is the last one) Did anyone watch the Olympics tonight? GO MISTY MAY!!**


	3. Chapter 3

. . .

_TwilightComesFirst- Your review had me laughing- after realizing what it could have potentially sounded like._

_Beautiful Goodbyes- I'm glad- that's what I was going for._

_twilightluver7- Great? Oh! That's better than good! Yay!_

_kryptokristalinne- I think it is hard writing in a different gender then you naturally are for girls and boys. But, hey, what do I know? I'm not a boy! And, you'll find out in this chapter! Not much of Edward yet, but plenty of Bella!_

_octobervampire- I think that please at the end got me to update sooner!_

**Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight. The wonderful and awesome Stephenie Meyer does. **

**Although, a girl can dream, right?**

. . .

Sigh. Turn. Groan. God. Won't that annoying little piece of crap that goes by the title of 'alarm clock' shut up?

Ever?

"BELLA! GET UP OR YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL!" Renee called- a second later I heard the crackle of a piece of bacon on the stove. I sighed. Again. Stupid Mom. Stupid moving.

Stupid new school.

Raising up, my haystack of hair probably looking like a mountain, I called back.

"I'M UP!!"

Throwing the covers off, I then threw open my bathroom door...and you know what girls do to get ready for school, right? Right. Use your imagination.

. . .

Open door...

"I'm Bella Swan." I said dully. I come to school- and, as usual, the teacher asked me to introduce myself. So I did so. Then I went to sit down, and the kid infront of turned and asked...yeah, you guessed it. He asked who I was. Loser.

"Oh!" His face brightened. "I'm Mike Newton!"

"That's nice." I'm beginning to think he doesn't have an off button.

"Well-" He looked as if he were going to say more, but, thank god, the teacher starting talking about...something. I wasn't really paying attention. I was too busy thinking about how Mike was like a golden retriever. He even had blonde hair like one!

. . .

Lunch. Oh god. Ugh. I hated lunch. Because it didn't matter where you sat down- everyone would shy away from you. Like, for instance. If you were a goth and sat down at a prep table, guess what happened? Exactly. They would threaten you to leave, or scoff and leave themselves. No matter who you were (Scratch that, if you were a cheerleader or goth, this doesn't apply) lunch would scar you...or lable you. **(A/N, sorry, I just had to put this in here. One time when my friend was at lunch (I wasn't there) she laughed so hard milk came out of her nose. That scarred HER. Okay. Continue reading as if this little thingy isn't even here.) **

So, instead of entering the vast room, I glared at the huge double doors.

"You know, glaring isn't going to help!" A light voice piped up from behind me. I jumped, and, being me, tripped over my own feet and fell to the ground with a 'Humph!'

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The voice hastened, and a second later I was pulled up by a strong grip. I was surprised, though, when I saw who the grip belonged to. A tiny girl- probably 4'10"- with spiky black hair, a Ballerina stance, and a pixy look to her small face.

She must be one hell of a...whatever sport she probably did. Oh, if only I knew

"It's nothing." I muttered, expecting her to leave, but instead, she just stood infront of me, staring.

"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?" She finally asked. Straight forward little midget, isnt' she?

"Isabella Swan, but you can call me Bella." I should just start introducing myself as Bella to get the hassle out of the way.

"Oh!" Her face broke out into the biggest smile I had ever seen. "I'm Alice Cullen! Would you like to sit with me at lunch?" Woah. I was surprised she was even interacting with me, but asking me to _lunch_? She looked more like one of those preps, not somebody who would ask a goth to sit with them...

"I guess?" It sounded more like a question than a statement, though I didn't intend for it to be that way.

"Yay!" She grabbed my wrist and before I knew it I was being dragged into the crowded- not to mention smelly- lunch room.

"Um...What is _that_?" I asked. I pointed at a jello-y...thing on someone's plate as we swished into the line.

"Tuseday Surprise day! So, it's a surprise!" Alice answered brightly. Woah. I'd hate to know what the surprise was.

The lunch line actually wasn't very long. A few people lingering- since we were late- who also seemed to be late. But, even though I protested, Alice zipped through the line, got our lunches and paid for them before I could even say I wanted to atleast pay.

"Sorry!" I called, the incredulous stares of passerbyers turning into extremely amused ones as I was pulled away by someone half my size. What the hell did she do, weight lifting?

Plopping down at the main table in the lunchroom (I could tell by all the people who either wore jerseys or cheerleading outfits it was the main), Alice patted a spot next to her and I sat down warily. This would _not_ end well.

"Everyone, this is Bella!" Her eyes twinkled. "Say hello Bella!" She must have some superhero kind of power, because they all grumbled a hello.

"This-" She pointed to a burly, curly black hair boy wearing a jersey, -"Is Emmett. He's my adopted brother, and then there's Mike Newton-" I curled my nose in disdain, "-Angela, Lauren, Jessica, Tyler, and some others, but we don't usually hang with them. Most of the time, it's just me, Emmett, and Edward." My eyes perked up unintentinally. The introductions were getting boring (Though the farting sounds Emmett was making when some bent down to pick something up was fairly entertaining) and I knew I had seen no Edward...yet.

"But..." Alice frowned. An unusual charactaristic for her. "Where's Edward, Emmett?"

"I think he's spending lunch at the hospital again." Emmett answered. Alice nodded and smiled again- though this time, even I, who hadn't known her for more than a few hours, could tell it was forced.

"Oh." That was all she said of the subject for the rest of lunch, but my curiousity about this Edward person was piqued and I could tell wasn't leaving me anytime soon.

. . .

Ah, Biology. My last subject of the day. And, by far, the easiest. The only subject I really hated was Math- I just couldn't comprehend it very well.

Still, as I sat down in one of the seats in the back, waiting for the bell to ring to signal class was starting, I didn't feel any relief that the day wasn't almost over. I felt...drained. Like the person that was going to sit beside me...wasn't going to make my day end well at all.

"All right-" Mr. Banner had started, but the door opened fluidly and the most beautiful greek god I had ever seen- most likely Adonis- stood in the doorway and flashed a grin.

"Sorry I'm late, Mr. Banner." He apologized, flipping some wet copper hair that stuck to his beautiful, pale face. It must be raining. Wait. Why am I even thinking of that when a god is standing right...almost infront of me?

"Held up at the hospital again, Edward?" Mr. Banner asked. What was it with this hospital? I would find out, sooner or later. And. Wait. Did he just say Edward? This _cannot_ be Edward...It just can't be, no, not at all...

"Something like that." The grin that was on his face slipped away as soon as Mr. Banner mentioned the hospital.

"Next time, try not to be late." Mr. Banner ordered, and turned back to the board.

Edward walked- oh my god- to the seat next to me and sat down gracefully. Ugh. I'm acting like a love sick idiot.

He glanced at me through the corner of his eye, and as soon as he did I couldn't help but turn. He wasn't going to make this class easy on me, was he? How was I supposed to concentrate with _that_ sitting just inches from me?

For the rest of class, it went like that. Stealing glances at each other when we thought the other wasn't looking- turning when we thought we had been caught. It was like some sick game that loved to toy with my already jumbled mind- had he caught me? Was I safe? Could I look again? Should I wait until the coast is clear? I hated it, yet loved it.

There was some part of me that just wanted to jump him and kiss the hell out of him (Dude, where did _that_ come from?) and another part of me that wanted to hate him for coming in and messing up my already fractured life- I knew he would, I would see him everyday I went to school, if I sat with Alice, and Biology was inevitable...

Really, though, what was wrong with me? I was going crazy. Yes, that was the answer. I was going crazy. That made everything make sense, as stupid as it sounds.

My thoughts were cut off by the bell ringing- thank god. I don't think I could've stood another minute of that torture.

Speeding out of the room, I decided I would call Rosalie later and ask her about it. She should know the answer. But, being her, she better not come up with some stupid off-the-wall little idea...that 99.9 out of 100 percent almost always came out exactly right. Actually, most of the time, it was always right. Right then and there, I should've ruled out calling Rosalie about it, but I was desperate, and I wasn't just about to ask big mouthed Alice...whom I felt I had known for years.

I so wish I had said that moving _was_ making me mad, so I wouldn't be in this stupid, inevitable, mess that a Greek god just happened to stumble into.

. . .

**I cannot believe I didn't answer reviews last chapter. SHAME ON ME!! I was just...preoccupied with reading another fanfic. Which I really need to review. I'm just too lazy to. Anyway, this is longer (and hopefully better) as said! Hey, as a side note, does anyone need a beta reader? I'm getting bored somedays when I get writer's block, and really need something to do besides homework...**

**R&R (Pretty please? I give you an Edward!)**

**P.S. Sorry I didn't get this out earlier. I was sick Thursday (There's some stomach bug...thingy going around) and I had alot of makeup work to do.**


	4. Chapter 4

_TwilightComesFirst- Thank you! This is Bella's again, though. I find her's are easy for me, because when you read the books, they're in her POV and give you a better insight than Edward's._

_Breazoo- Nirvana? Really? I love them! My sister calls me a goth because I do, though. She's mostly a prep-Hollister wearer-girl. I'm not, though I do not always wear black. I like the color, though._

_Exhale 13- Is there a space between Exhale and 13? I couldn't tell...And, thanks! I'm listening to Buckcherry now, though. Sorry. I love that song. And, I do P.S.'s alot. I just can't seem to get everything in!_

_Influencing Bella- Thanks!_

_BellaCullenVapirz- Yes, tear for Eddie. I feel so sad for him! But I'm the one writing him...hm... (Oopsie. I replied to your 2nd chapter review. Thanks for reviewing both, though! And there's this stupid fly that won't leave me alone...)_

_guria414- You reviewed like, 3 times. But I like that! I wish more people would..._

_octobervampire- I actually started this chapter after your review. I'm so proud of myself._

_Remember, MORE REVIEWS, MORE UPDATES!! _

Thank you. You may read the story now, unlessyou just skipped over this. I know I would have.

. . .

I was on a high.

Rosalie didn't answer the phone- so I decided I would just call later. I was home alone; Renee hadn't got back yet...And the gleam on the kitchen knife was too tempting to ignore.

Just once, eh?

But it turned into more than that. You can't just cut yourself once- I started it because of stress, and I suppose I still do it because of stress, mostly. But the high you have while doing it, the adrenilene rush you feel...

It was so exhilerating.

And then, I locked myself up in the bathroom, trying to clean up the blood before Renee got home. It was bleeding so much- I thought I went overboard that time. The blood just kept flowing...I didn't know what to do.

Telling Renee was out of the question, and calling Alice? Heh. Never. All she would do was freak out and try to send me to the hospital- and then tell Renee.

And Rosalie...What good would she do? She was states away. There was no way. She wasn't an option.

So, what was I supposed to do? Sit here in the bathroom, and wait for the blood to stop? Hope it would stop? I was already getting loopy from lack of blood. If I lost anymore, chances were, I would faint and Renee finding me covered in a pile of blood lying on the bathroom floor was worse than me telling her about the cuts- and how I got them.

The biggest problem was the long gash near my vein, I reasoned. Thank got I hadn't cut the vein. If I wasn't atleast a little careful when I cut, I would be dead by now.

Anyway. How was I going to get rid of it? The rest of the cuts were little scrapes, barely oozing blood, but the gash was pouring out blood.

I had to think, and quick. Flag down options. Rosalie? No. Renee? No. Alice? God no.

So, who was there left? Who did I even know in this tiny town full of little hicks?

Oh. There was him. The Greek god. But, dear god, he didn't know me. I didn't know him. Hell, I didn't even have his cell phone number. I couldn't believe I even brought his name up into the options.

Oooh. Emmett. He wouldn't question, and I could tell him I cut myself making sandwichs...like a thousand times. I could tell him it bounced and hit me a couple more times. Not believable- not one bit, but Emmett didn't seem like the one to question the serious problems at hand. I somehow knew he would keep it a secret. Even if he didn't believe the knife thing.

Thank god Alice gave me his phone number.

Swiftly grabbing my cell out of my pants pocket with my good hand (Wouldn't do any good hurting myself any more, eh?) I dialed in his number and waited impatiently. I felt faint, and the smell of rusted blood didn't help at all.

"Heeello?" He finally answered. Thank god. His goofy voice actually made me feel a bit better.

"Emmett?" I asked impatiently.

"Yeah, Bells?" He answered seriously. He must have heard the urgency in my voice.

"I need you to come to my house. Can you clean a wound out? A, like, gash wound caused by a knife?" I asked again.

"Sure, not as good as Carlisle or Edward, but-"

"Well, as long as you can. My house? You know where it is?"

"Yeah. I'll be there in ten."

I was so tired, and faint, I didn't even bother to ask how he knew where my house was.

. . .

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want. It'll be our secret." Emmett grinned goofily, and for once I was glad for his high spirits.

"Our secret." I smiled. I stuck to my knife story- though by his face I was sure he didn't believe it, though he didn't question it. I had already fainted by the time he got to the house- I was thankful that I didn't lock the door. In my haste, I was sure I'd forgotten.

He had gotten me from the bathroom, then cleaned my wound before I woke up. When I woke up, though, I was pleasantly surprised Renee wasn't home. She must have had a PTO meeting or something.

But, when I did wake up, I was on the couch, and Emmett was watching football lazily. I must have been conked out for atleast an hour.

"Oh, you can leave now Emmett. Sorry for getting you...from whever you were before I called you." I apologized.

"No problem. A little excitement never hurt anyone." He grinned. Not wanting to seem rude, sicne it sounded as if I was kicking him out, I asked if he wanted anything to eat or drink, but he said no and left. A few minutes later Renee walked through the door; I was thankful for the longsleeved shirt I had on. She wouldn't suspect a thing- unless she touched it accidentally. Ow.

"Who was that boy, Bella?" She asked curiously, throwing her purse down on the counter carelessly.

"A friend." That was true. So I wasn't telling a lie. Not yet.

"Why was he here?" She asked again. Usually, she wasn't so inquisitive. What was with her today, of all days she decided to go Sherlock Holmes on me?

Anyway, I would have to lie now.

"We're partners on an English project. He was helping me." I lied. Well, he was in my English class. So that was only a part lie...

"Oh." Her face brightened. "You should have him over more often!"

"No, I don't think so." I hastened. "He probably won't want to, and we're not moved in all that well right now, you know?"

"You're right." She smiled. "We should focus on moving in, first! Oh, dear, I'm going to start on dinner. Sorry I'm late. PTO meeting."

I knew it.

"It's okay, Mom." Really, it was. If she had caught me...Well, we don't want to go there, do we?

"Oh. Well, that's good. Lasagne tonight." And she left. Thank god. My arm was killing me...but I couldn't get an ice pack with Renee in the kitchen, could I?

Sigh. I would just have to live without it.

"I'm going to sleep early, Mom!" I called. "I have a headache."

"Okay." I heard her answer. "I'll just slip some lasagne in the fridge and if you wake up for a late night snack or something you can heat it up."

"Thanks!" I called, taking two steps a time up the stairs, until I hit my room, shutting the door loudly, hoping she got the fact I didn't want to be disturbed.

Shedding my shirt, I winced at the sight of my cut. I would just take a shower tomorrow morning- It was much too tender now, but maybe it wouldn't be _as_ tender in the morning. I hoped.

Another task I had to face- Getting some pajamas on. I usually wore a ratty old tshirt and some sweatpants, but that seemed like it would hurt to much, so I decided on sleeping in my bra and some sweatpants tonight, so I wouldn't need to shove another shirt on my tender arm after taking one off.

Even so, taking the one I had off proved difficult. One little wrong movement, and it hurt so much I hissed involuntarily.

But I soon had it off, and was thankful I had a sports bra on; Those were easier to sleep in. Besides, I didn't have much to fill padded ones in, anyway.

After sneaking out of my room and brushing my teeth quickly in the bathroom, and washing my face off a little, I snuggled in deep into my covers and only hoped that no one would take a second look at my arm.

But knowing Alice, I knew that wasn't going to happen.

A girl could hope, though, right? Even if she knew those hopes would be diminished as soon as they were brought up.

. . .

**Author's Note- I fear this one is short, but it's a filler. I wanted it out before tomorrow (The band has our first game to play at. We didn't play at the first. For anyone that actually took the time to read this, I'm a clarinet, on a side note.) and out before September 5th- because, hello, my birthday! I will be an age between 1-99. Go me.**

**Did anybody else read Breaking Dawn? (I read it the day it came out, but I'm lazy and haven't talked about it till now.) I think it was pretty good, though my opinions on Renesmee's birth and Jacob's POV I didn't like. Those were about the only things.**

**Anybody else besides me gonna go to the Twilight movie when it's out, too? I think Robert Pattinson's okay, but I don't like his head shape. It just kinda bugs me. The rest of the cast, in my opinion, couldn't have been better. **

**So sorry for the super long Author's note.**

**P.S. Has anybody else read cutting stories? I think some are cheap, and don't realize what they're writing about...**

**But I have first hand expirience.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note- Oh my god I have officially died and gone to heaven. Simply a day after I posted I get flowed with Fanfiction emails! Go me! Oh, and the game. We sucked (We always do. Homecoming next week though. YEAH!) 30-0. Guess what we were? 0. Yep. But the band played good! I swear though, every 5 seconds you would hear somebody scream 'Look at the wind!' Obnoxious idiots. **

**Remember. The more reviews I get, the faster I update. Yeah.**

. . .

Disclaimer- I do not own anything that is owned by someone else. Yeah.

. . .

_NightmaresAtMidnight- I actually hadn't planned him a big part in the story, but I didn't have many characters to work with, since Rosalie and Jasper are in Arizona (right now. Oops. I gave you a hint!) Anyway, after reading it over a few times, I didn't like it very well, but had no idea how to improve it, so i posted it. Yeah._

_BLeedingRedPaint9- I'm being showered with 'it's a different story line, i like it,' and I'm happy with that. I was just really surprised when I didn't see like, any Bella cutter stories. It shocked me._

_octobervampire- No, I'm not getting tired of the please. I like it! I'm glad someone has some hospitality on here!_

_Lecia- Thanks! You reviewed two times, too. I'm humbled. Also, I'm counting down the days, too...discretely...I think Breaking Dawn was okay, but so far, my absolute favorite one of all time is the first book in the series- Twilight. Lol. I'm predictable._

_mischief-maker1- Thank you! And, an eater...? Sorry, it's hard not to ask. I think I'm familiar with the concept, though._

_xxjasperluvrxx- I think I did poorly on the cutting scene. You review boosted my mood about it, though._

_Exhale13- No spaces? I'll remember that. And, I swear, I thought I was the only one who noticed his head shape. He looked a bit old for a 17 looking year old vampire, though. What is he, early mid twenties? Not that far away, but still...And, I think they did the best cast picking on Jasper, along with Rosalie. I think they could've done a better Jake (I just don't like the guy they picked) and Esme (the woman they picked face structure just doesn't seem like a motherly Esme face to me...) I think I gave you the longest review answer. Yay._

"The walls we build outside of us to keep out sadness also keep out joy."

"I fell down the stairs and landed on my arm." I repeated the next day at lunch, poking at the...thing on my tray. Alice was questioning me over and over about my arm, along with everyone else. I repeatedly told them I fell. I could literally feel Emmett's disapproving eyes boring into my back as I spit out petty lie after another.

"Well, I just...Atleast let me carry your books to your next class." Alice demanded.

"No!" I protested. "You don't even have that class with me!"

"Edward has it with her." Emmett interrupted. "He can carry them if his lazy ass isn't late again."

Oh god. Not him. Alice seemed like a harmless kitten compared to a guy I didn't even know.

"I can carry them on my own!" I hastened before Alice or Emmett could get another word out.

"Nonsense." Alice refused. "Your arm is hurt. Under no circumstances will I let any more pressure build up on the poor, probably broke thing."

"It's not broke." I rebuked stubbornly.

"Well, it might as well be." Alice was just as stubborn as I. "So I'm- Oh, Edward!"

Oh, my frickin' god. A god was walking toward me. Or Alice. And Emmett. But that was _near me_.

"Edward, dude!" Emmett's loud voice vibrated through the whole room.

I never noticed how classical our names sounded together. Like a European king and queen, King Edward...Queen Isabella...

Snap out of it, you idiot. He's coming near you.

"Edward!" Alice's sweet voice sounded gooey. "I need you to carry Bella's books to her next room. You're in it. And, for the rest of the day as well."

"Whatever." He muttered, sitting down.

"Must have been a late night at the hospital, and he didn't get any sleep..." I heard Emmett mumble to Alice- she nodded in agreement. I felt like hitting my head on the table in frustration. What the hell was it about the hospital? I would find out, one way or another. Somehow. I swear.

I cleared my throat loudly and stood up. Even the God/Edward looked up towards me. He may be a god, but Alice just offered him to me for the rest of the day. I would so use this to my advantage.

"I'm ready to go to my next class." I smiled sweetly.

. . .

The rest of the day may have been living hell to him, but it was absolutely pure bliss to me. Okay, whatever. We never talked unless I was ordering him to get me something, and hardly even looked at each other (unless sneaking glances without the other knowing), but I made _progress_. I hoped to god I made progress.

And at the end of the day, Biology finally over, I felt satisfied. Until I realized that I was in no state to drive with one arm. (Alice had driven me to school...I just happened to have no car either.)

"Get in the car." Edward demanded. I looked at him, surprised flickering in my chocolate eyes before they turned dull again.

"My parents taught me not to get in the car with strangers." I commented dryly.

"So did mine." I swear, I saw a twitch at the corners of his mouth. "Nevertheless, you know me.Barely, but you do. Get in."

"Demanding, aren't you?" I muttered, but got into the Volvo regardless. Stupid, shiny, Volvo owner.

"I suppose." His lips (luscious!) formed a small smile now as he started the car.

"Do you even know where I live?" I asked suddenly.

"Yes."

"What the hell are you, a demented stalker?"

"Of course." He shot back dryly. "I follow innocent young girls to their homes at nights when I don't have homework."

"Ugh!" I wanted to pull my hair out and throw a tantrum like a small child, but he would just look at me like I was an idiot, so I settled for glaring at the window and pouting. I probably still looked like an idiot, regardless.

"Are you related to Alice and Emmett?" I asked as the scenery whizzed past us. It had been bugging me. They looked nothing alike, but there was simply something about their bond that just screamed 'family!'

"Something like that." He replied absently. "Adopted-cousins."

"Oh." I dropped the subject, but stored it in the back of my mind for questioning Alice later.

"Oh my god!" I suddenly screamed, seeing how fast he was going. "You're going to turn us into a pretzel around my neighbors garbage can and Mom'll declare war and you'll get us killed and-"

"Stop rambling." Edward interrupted gently. "I'm only going 75."

"Only?!" I practically screamed. "In a 55 zone!"

"But I like driving fast." He was whining like a child. Even with a broken arm (I swear, not broken) and being 1 half of his whole, and being a head shorter than him, and being plain and homely, I so felt I had control.

"Now." I ordered like a Mother to her child who wanted to the latest toy, but she wouldn't let him have it.

"Fine." He almost seemed like he was pouting as he slowed down to 60. Considerable for him, I learned later on. I had the power. Oh yeah, baby!

"Here." He stated a few moments later. He was right. I was so caught up in not trying to stare at him now that I was done fuming I hadn't noticed I was already home.

"I can carry your books in." Under that exterior, he seemed like a gentlemen. I wonder if he would be like that in bed...? Stop thinking that, I scolded myself mentally.

Why the hell was I thinking that?

"You don't have to." Okay, why the hell did it just seemed like I turned down a chance to have more time with Edward?

"Yes, I do." Edward wasn't giving up. For the first time, I was glad I lost the fight. Happy. Woah.

So he carried them to the door and waited patiently while I clumsily fumbled for the key under the doormat.

When I got it in and he sat the books down, I felt like I should offer him something. After all, it was my house and he was a guest, right? Well, not my house, exactly, but...

"Food?...Drinks?" I offered lamely.

"No, thank you. But I did enjoy the ride."

I swear, I saw him wink as he shut the door and made his way to his stupid, shiny, Volvo.

. . .

**Note- This is short, I know, but I wanted to get soemthing out. And, some Edward and Bella time together, if I do say so myself. I think this chapter is okay, though I'm not entirely pleased with it.**

**R&R (& I update faster!)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note- I would've updated sooner, but I got depressed after seeing how little reviews I got. No lie, either. I sat and sulked in my bedroom eating ice cream and watching George Lopez...and talking to Meagan. On a side note, Meagan! Tell Sarah I **_**will**_** win the bet! Anyway. The more reviews I get, the faster I update. So, pretty please review? I mean, 42 alerts and 7 reviews?**

**So, PLZ?**

. . .

_mischeif-maker1- Thanks! I'm trying to make the chapters longer and more detailed, though no luck._

_Influencing Bella- Thanks!_

_Major Lynette- Thank you! Here's your update!_

_xxjasperluvrxx- I know. He is, isn't he? And, mine may be okay, but I've read some good ones. Really good ones. Have you read Into The Wild? It's a Ed/Bella fic. If you haven't, you should._

_Lecia- I know. I'm trying not to make it go overly fast, though I think I'm succeeding in making it go overly slow..._

_Jade-hime- Here's your update!_

_octobervampire- I love it when people say please. So, here's your update!_

. . .

Edward's POV

I had just gotten back from the hospital and was planning on eating lunch _peacefully_ when Alice decided to make me her friend- Isabelle? Isabella? Bella-'s slave for the day. I actually didn't mind. As matter may put it, she looked kind of pretty. Beautiful. Though she would look better without the goth/emo/punk look. If I remembered, I should tell her.

Of course, sitting down at the lunch table- after Alice's gooey voice interrupted my thoughts telling me to carry Bella's books to her next class and I involuntarily snapped at her- I noticed she looked much better up close.

And then, after I wanted to bang my head against the lunch table because of Emmett's excessive cussing (Like a sailor, I might add), she stood up and cleared her throat loudly. I looked up, a confused expression on my face.

Oh, wait. Alice just offered me to her as her slave. Of course she would use this to her advantage.

"I'm ready to go." And that sweet smile of her's happened to be so beautiful I wanted to kiss it off her fa-

Snap out of it, stupid.

. . .

Hell. That was one way to describe my day. Hell spent with an angel.

For instance. In Algebra, she made me go get _pudding_. In the middle of class. I looked like an imbecile, but she laughed her ass off. And then decided she didn't want it.

When Biology was finally over, mixed feelings were in my brain. Yes, she annoyed me to no end (mostly because she ordered me to do stupid things at the most random times)...but she was...interesting. Intriguing.

I was going to leave when I was a panicked look on her face and then I realized...how the hell was she going to drive with one arm?

"Get in the car." I demanded. She looked at me, surprise flickering in her eyes before the turned bored again.

"My parents taught me not to get in the car with strangers." Bella commented dryly.

"So did mine." I was unwavering, but almost smiling at her stubbornness. "Nevertheless, you know me. Barely, but you do. Get in."

"Demanding, aren't you?" Bella muttered, slinging her body in the car and pouting childishly.

"I suppose." A small, involuntary smile formed on my lips as I started the car after getting in.

"Do you even know where I live?" Bella asked, sitting upright now.

"Yes." I answered dryly.

"What the hell are you, a demented stalker?" Bella feigned mock horror.

"Of course." I informed her mockingly. "I follow innocent young girls to their homes when I don't have homework."

I wasn't exactly going to tell her her Mother sent her file to the hospital which had her address and everything on it, for fear Bella would be sent there while she was at work.

"Ugh!" Bella looked cute when she wanted to rip her hair out. Now I really felt demented.

"Are you related to Alice and Emmett?" Bella asked some time later after she had calmed down.

"Something like that." I replied absently. I was thinking about how the bills were going to get paid this month if Dad didn't get out of the hospital and work once in awhile. "Adopted-cousins."

"Oh." Bella didn't seem like she wanted to drop it like that, but was forced to.

"OH MY GOD!!" And then she decides to try and make me give myself a heart attack. "You're going to turn us into a pretzel around my neighbors garbage can and Mom'll declare war and you'll get us killed and-"

"Stop rambling." Being around hospitals for so long, I knew it best to play gentle in these situations. "I'm only going 75."

She didn't seem comforted by this.

"Only?!" Bella screamed. "In a 55 zone!"

"But I like driving fast!" I whined. I really did. It let some steam off when I did, and then just became a habit.

All of a sudden she had this smug look on her face I didn't like.

"Now." Bella ordered, a frightening look on her face. For some reason, someone a head shorter than me scared the crap out of me.

"Fine." Slowing down to 60, I snuck glances at her while I thought she wasn't looking.

It was like a game. It would always be a game.

"Here." I stated moments later. Bella looked surprised, and jolted in her seat. She must have been daydreaming, I assumed. She seemed to do that alot.

"I can carry your books in." I commented abruptly. She was in no condition to, and I wasn't going to be charged with 3rd degree murder by letting her carry her books in with one arm. She didn't seem to do that well with both, let alone one.

"You don't have to." Bella refused. Very stubborn. For some reason, I felt bad about being stubborn so many years earlier. Now I knew how had it was to deal with a person of that caliber.

"Yes, I do." I rebuked. I could be just as stubborn as her. Maybe even more. But it would take way to much time to find out.

Bella sighed, but knew she had lost the fight. So I grabbed her books- after opening her door, I still had some gentlemanliness left in me- and waited patiently at the door while she tried to find the key with one hand. I would have offered to help, but I had no idea where to look at all, so I settled for waiting.

After sitting her books down, an uncomfortable silence issued.

"Food...drinks?" Bella offered lamely.

"No, thank you. But I did enjoy the ride." The flush in her cheeks was so cute that before I got into the car, I winked and her blush increased tenfold.

**(A/N I was seriously going to end it here, but it's too short for my standards)**

. . .

"Edward, my boy!" Father seemed tired, but his face lit up when he saw me enter the hospital room.

"She sleeping?" I inquired quietly, sliding into a plastic hospital chair.

"Yeah." His face seemed to frown a bit. "But she usually wakes up at this time to talk or write in her journal. She's always loved that thing. Said it made sure that even though her brain forgets things, her writing won't. I suppose she passed that on to you."

1. Writing journals is _not_ wimpy.

"Yeah." I agreed softly. Her thin eyelids covered her eyes, but I knew that if they opened, bright emerald eyes, a shade lighter than mine, would sparkle even though the rest of her seemed fading.

"Son, is that you?" At her weak voice's calling, Father seemed to spring up.

"Yes, Mother." I tried my best to seem happy whenever she was awake. I didn't want her to worry. She didn't deserve to worry. She didn't deserve to hurt.

She didn't deserve _this_.

"Edward, did you meet anyone today?" She asked, trying her best to seem strong. She asked me that everyday. She told me, two years ago when I turned 16 that she would finally rest in peace when I met a beautiful young woman that would take care of me, like she couldn't anymore.

"No, Mother." That was my resounding answer, every time.

But this time, a flash of brunette hair and chocolate eyes flashed in my thoughts.

. . .

**I wanted to cry when I wrote this. The song When You're Gone was playing while I wrote that part. It made me so sad. Mostly, because I know everything that's going to happen at the end of this fic...hinthint**

**R&R (Because I'll update that much faster if you do)**

Sneak Preview For Next Chapter-

"Oh my motherfucking god, Rosalie, is that you?!"- Bella


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note- I suddenly had this urge to go on a crazy writing spree...and I have no idea why. It may be because I'm happy.....This is rambling, but I **_**finally**_** got my hair re-dyed black! Yeah, it's been black for awhile, but my roots are turning brown again....Ugh. Well, now they're ALL THE WAY black! Yeah, just a little obsessed.....**

**P.S. I know I totally don't deserve them, but reviews make me feel all warm inside.**

**P.S.S. Read the note at the bottom of the chapter. Trust me, it's worth it. I think it is. I **_**hope**_**.**

**Disclaimer- I do ****not**** own Twilight. Or cocoa puffs.**

. . .

"Stains show much more clearly on a pale surface."

. . .

Bella POV

The searing pain in my arm and the blood sluggishly coming out of it only fueled the strength and increasing speed of the knife going down, down, down, again and again, onto my pale arm.

Today was October 15. A month from when I first met Edward.

Exactly 12 years since my father died.

The cuts became deeper, more precise, just as my breathing got slower and slower, my eyelids heavier, before I just gave up and let the tears flow, let the knife sear its way into my arm as I simply sat there and cried, in a puddle of my own blood.

I didn't usually lose control this much, usually I didn't cut so deep- I just cut. But there was something about this town, something.....

It reminded me too much of Daddy.........

Edward reminded me too much of what it felt like to have something to hold onto in life.

. . .

"What were you doing in the bathroom for so long, hun?" Renee asked curiously, a mug with 'World 1# Mom' on the front that she bought for herself sitting down in front of her as she let her eyes scan the morning paper quickly. Still, her eyes were able to spair a second and look at me funny.

"Nothing much, " I lied easily, sitting down in the oak chair in front of her, but wincing when I bumped my now cleaned, but still hurting like hell- not that I was complaining in any way- arm on the edge of the table, "Just taking a bit longer than usual."

An impulse decision flitted across her face. I knew it instantly. It came every year.

"No, Mother," I said rashly, "I will not. I say no every year, when the hell will you learn I DON'T WANT TO GO AND SEE HIS GRAVE?!?!?!?!"

The door slammed forcefully, halfway off it's hinges already from the amount of times I had slammed it before though we had only lived in the dead beat town a month, and my backpack lay forgotten beside my chair in the kitchen as an idea flitted through _my_ mind now.

. . .

"Rosalie?" I tried to make my voice as soft as possible, considering I was right in the middle of the damn parking lot at school, though I knew Rosalie wouldn't.

".God. Bella, you haven't called in _forever_. Oh......today.......you okay, girl? How's that hunk of man you told me about once doing?" Rose babbled on and on, and I could hear Jasper's "Mind if you shut up?" faintly in the background. It almost brought a tear to my eye. I missed my crew.

Even though Emmett and Alice were great- and Edward, incredibly sexy, I had to admit- they didn't completely fill up Rose and Jasper's place.

"He's.......fine," I didn't know how to explain him. The hospital mystery still plagued me, and though we chatted some, mostly when he- surprisingly- willingly took me home. The first time, a week ago, when Renee had seen him, she was thrilled. I told him he should have left sooner.

"Anyway," I continued, my tiny, pale hand, in blank contrast to my obviously dark colored long sleeved shirt, covered my cell phone ergently, "I have a favor to ask."

"Shoot," Rose interrupted, "Anything. Jazz and I'll even move. It's getting stuffy here without you, anyway."

"That's actually part of the favor," I admitted, "But I also need some....of the, well, you, stuff."

"Stuff?" Rosalie repeated.

"Stuff," I supplied.

"Oh," Her voice dawned in realization, "That stuff."

"I thought you quit after that scare," she accussed after seconds of silence.

"It's an emergency. Please?" I begged, "A little, at least. A shot. I don't know where they sell it here, or if they sell it or all, and I honestly need to....get away. You know, in a euphoria."

"Should I be doing this?" Rose asked, but we both laughed, knowing I would get it regardless.

Once an addict, always an addict. I didn't quit- I just went on a long hiatus to make Renee happy. I needed it now. I wouldn't fall as deep as I did last time. I couldn't.

But I could use it once or twice, without falling back in, right?

. . .

"Bella!" Alice cried out, sheer delight evident in her voice, "Fancy meeting you here!"

"......It's first period homeroom, Alice."

Alice raised a dainty black eyebrow.

"You could skip. Or die. Or be sick. They I wouldn't see you and it _would_ be surprising to see you."

"Ignore her," A smooth voice said from behind me, "She had cocoa puffs for breakfast."

Alice pouted.

"Shut up."

"I'm sure I could, but it seems highly impossible for you."

"Hey!"

It was interesting. They were fighting as if I wasn't even there...actually, Edward usually acted like I wasn't even there, like he was uncomfortable around me, when other people were around, and it was still faintly there when we were alone, though not as evident as usual.

I would ask him about that....

I winced as the idiot Newton slapped my cut up arm in greeting. It went by unnoticed from Alice, but I was absolutely sure I saw Edward's eyes get a curious look in them when it happened, after a hostile one passed.

Oh yes, he noticed.

. . .

"Bella." Edward greeted, shutting my door and sliding into his seat.

It was routine for us. Go to our lockers, get our shit, and go to his car. I don't know how it happened, but it did. It seemed like something was on his mind today, though.

We were quiet for the whole ride, until when we were almost to my house he spoke up.

"Why did you wince, like you were hurt, when Newton barely even slapped you?" He asked, his voice calm and almost unnerving, though a bit of curiousness shone through.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I retorted defensively, "I didn't wince. I didn't even know he hit me."

"Don't lie, Bella," He said quietly, "It doesn't suit you. Tell me the truth. Why?"

"I'm not lying!" I defended myself feebly. I was already having a bad day- it was _October 15_ for god's sake, but this was making it even worse.

"Bella," He looked as if he were about to continue, but he pulled up to my house, and I jumped out, thankful for the halt in the conversation. I couldn't tell him. Something told me....he would be dissapointed in me, and I didn't want that.

And I had no damn idea why.

I shut the car door, but looking up, two blonde beauties- though one was male- distracted me greatly from my troubles at hand. Greatly. No, really.

"OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD ROSALIE, IS THAT YOU?!?!?!?!!?"

I thought I heard a "Watch your language, Bella," from the car before it drove off, but I could be wrong.

. . .

**Author's Note- First of all, I am really really really really really sorry I haven't updated in awhile. That doesn't do much, does it? I'll just try to write chapters faster. Reviews motivate me, though. *hint hint* And I really want this story to go over the 100 mark before it's over- though it's not going to be over at least until chapter 15, or somewhere around 15 and 20. I'm not sure. **

**I love all of you!**

**And, by the way, my penname has changed. If you want, you can still call me hanabi, though.**

**P.S. Did anybody buy Hinder's new cd? And/or watch the Twilight spoilers on MTV? I did, but....isn't Kristen Stewart's voice way too deep to be Bella's? For the love of god, it's deeper than Robert Pattison's!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note- I feel like an uberbitch. I'm not even gonna ask for reviews this chapter, but it would be nice to have them. XD (it would be SUPER nice to make it to 100 with this one...i mean, that's like, 21 reviews? I'll update early if I get to 100! Maybe...this Saturday or Sunday? Everyone will probably be at school when I post this. lol. I'm sick. *sniffle* )**

**Has anyone seen the new profile and story tracker, though? I mean, it's been there forever, but I looked at it today, and it's **_**awesome**_**...Who knew someone from Vietnam has read one of my stories? Is anyone willing to tell me where they're from? You don't have to, optional, but I think's it's cool to know where my readers are. I'm from Tennessee, USA. Yes, I have an accent. A bad one. I sound like Scarlet O'Hara. **

**Disclaimer- Yes, I'm Stephenie Meyer and I totally own Twilight. Not.**

. . .

**I will answer all reviews and questions next chapter.**

. . .

"OH MY MOTHERFUCKING GOD, IS THAT YOU, ROSALIE?!" Repudiation colored my voice. Said girl winked and slipped a hand on her curved hip.

"Hey, hun." Cue wild hugging party.

"Jasper!" I threw myself into his arms. "You've gotten taller!"

"Or you've gotten _more_ vertically challanged, if that's possible." His voice was dry.

"Shut up." Did I just _pout_? I _never_ pouted. Oh my god. Maybe something was going right.

After introductions- well, reintroductions, Jasper left to clean their new apartment up, and I turned to Rosalie expectedly. She saw the look in my eyes and shifted her body slightly.

"I don't like it, Bella." She said, barely audible. "You promised you would quit. You _promised_. Renee'll be mad as hell, and if anyone finds out I gave it to you, I could get-"

"I know, I know." I interrupted. "Nobody'll find out. Nobody but me or you knows anyway, save maybe Jasper."

"I just...." Rosalie, the proud, confident girl, was stumbling over her words. Worried. But I _needed_ it. "Wish you wouldn't use so _hard_ stuff. Even Baby Jane isn't as hard."

"Speedball is my best, Rose. You know that. Coke alone won't do as much as it and Herion."

Her violet eyes shifted nervously. They always were beautiful, even when they were hazy after smoking pot.

"Fine," She relented. I could see she was in pain. She didn't want me to get hurt. I caused so many people pain, not just myself....

God, I was so messed up.

. . .

I'm sure Renee was surprised to find me lying in the floor in my room. She probably just thought I fell asleep doing something.

She had no idea.

I rubbed my eye lazily- well, not just lazily. It was a bit hard to move my limbs at the moment.

"Bella," She asked, leaning on the doorframe, her eyebrow raised, "What the hell?"

"Nothing, nothing," I mumbled incoherently, "I just fell asleep studying."

"Where's the book?" The eyebrow was still raised. If I hadn't been so skilled at lying all these years, I might've been scared shitless.

"In my backpack."

"The backpack?"

"Under the bed."

"Under the _bed_?"

"Yup. I must've kicked it there while I was asleep."

Renee shook her head, but walked away, muttering "The excuses get so far fetched...She couldn't have just said 'I was being a teenager and decided to sleep on the floor because I wanted to' oh no....."

I laid there until I heard her feet plodding down the stairs, then stretched my limbs, trying to get used to the movements.

"Ugh...." I groaned. Maybe it was a bad idea to try it again.....

I remembered the euphoria.

Maybe not.

. . .

**Edward POV**

It was so much harder to study in the hospital.

As if my mother _wasn't_ dying in the bed right beside me, large, innocent like chocolate eyes captivated my mind.

Yeah, the algebra test I had that Friday didn't seem that important at the moment in time.

Alice was sitting beside me, chattering away annoyingly. I sighed and threw then pen down on the ground before grabbing my keys.

"I'm going home," I told Mother, "I've got a test to study for."

Alice eyed me warily, her mouth suddenly closed.

"Alright dear." Mother's eyes smiled at me. I turned away before I could feel anymore guilty for lying to her.

. . .

I spit the cigarette to the ground, then stomped it. It crackled on the wet ground. It started to rain after I left the hospital.

"Eddy," Jessica purred, trying to sound seductive- she honestly sounded constipated, "How 'bout we have a little fun..out back?"

Emmett's parties were famous for being on the randomest days of the week, at the randomest times, at the randomest places. They were also pumping, though. I wasn't complaining. Some nice ass went to his parties.

"Sure." I think my voice was slurred. I wasn't sure.

"Score!" I heard someone snicker. I felt light in the head. Shit, I needed _something_.

A flash of chocolate.

"Let's go." I agreed again.

. . .

**Bella POV**

I couldn't get to sleep that night. It may have been the late side effects of the drugs- I wasn't sure, but something didn't feel right. I was tossing and turning all night, before around 1 I decided to turn on the light switch and grab a copy of Wuthering Heights. I had an idea of who was occupying my thoughts, and was determined to get him out.

Edward. Damn. I grabbed another book blindly from the bedside table.

Edmund. _Dammit_.

What the hell was wrong with these books? Didn't anybody like the name 'Charles' anymore?

Crap. Charles. I let in a shaky breath.

_Don't think about him_.

Easier said than done.

The phone was ringing somewhere in the house, and in the back of my mind, I wondered what idiot would call at 1 o'clock in the morning.

_I hope it's not Rosalie. Or Alice, wanting a midnight 7/11 run to get rid of her shopping high._

"Hello?" Renee's sleepy voice registered faintly in my mind. Then a gasp, "Oh dear! He will be heartbroken, won't he? I don't believe I've seen him much, but he's been driving Bella to and from school somedays...when is the funeral, Edward? I hope you're alright. You're wife was strong for holding on this long. Yes, I'll tell her."

I was only half conscious, so it didn't register in my mind what she said at first. Then,

"Holy shit!" I gasped, "Edward...."

He loved his mother. He let it slip once she was in the hospital of some disease, but didn't talk about it again. Once I noticed a picture of a pretty woman with a tiny Edward and a Sr. Edward in a picture in the floorboard of his car. He had her eyes. That was the first thing I noticed of the picture. Then I noticed how extrodinarily beautiful she was, and felt embarrassed of my stringy hair and eyes covered with thick eyeliner. I had never felt that way. I had always been proud f the way I looked. Not then.

Edward noticed me looking at the picture and smiled sadly.

"Mother was beautiful. Is beautiful. You are too, you know." Then he turned away as if he said too much.

"Bella?" Renee slipped her head in through a crack in my door, "Edward Sr. just called-"

"I heard." I said quietly, folding my hands over my ducky pajamas.

"I hope Edward's all right. Tell him I send my best wishes." Renee padded away softly to get some 'beauty sleep' but I was left away, staring out into my window, wondering why God- if there was a God out there- had to be so cruel, not just by taking Daddy away from me, but by taking Mrs. Masen away from Edward.

. . .

**Edward POV**

I woke up groggy in Emmett's poolhouse, some random girl draped across my chest.

_Jessica_. Oh, I remembered now. Jessica had wanted to 'get it on', and I wasn't one to disagree. So we did. I gently put her on a chair and covered her with a towel- because I may have been a manwhore, but I was still a gentleman- before throwing on some clothes and opening the door. The sunlight burned my eyes, and I looked away hastily.

"Bro..." Everyone was gone, but Emmett and Alice. Carlisle and Esme...I actually had no idea where they were. Probably at the hospital with Mom. Alice left about an hour after I did.

"Shut up, Emmett," Alice snapped, shoving a coke in my face, "Let Mr. Masen tell him."

"Tell me what?" I asked wearily. I didn't like where this was going. And why the hell wasn't Alice at the hospital, like she was every morning, to tell Mom about the latest fashioins in Paris?

"Nothing." They said in unison. I shook my head and took a shortcut on the grass inside- who the hell uses the walks, anyway?

"Edward!" Esme greeted, smiling as the wind blew her caramel hair as she got out of Carlisle's car. Something was wrong with her, though. Her eyes were rimmed with red.

"Esme." I shook my head in greeting. A second mother when my real one was temporarily disabled. I kept telling myself temporarily.

"Would you like Carlisle to take you to the hospital?" Esme asked, "Or would you like breakfast first?"

"No, thank you. He can take me to the hospital. Maybe next time." In a fluid motion I swung my body to the seat where Esme had just been. Carlisle started the purr of the car silently, but his brow creased with worry and he argued on the phone harshly- something he rarely did.

"No, no." He argued, taking a turn, "I don't want it now. Can we talk about this later? Her son is here. I don't want him knowing yet-" His voice got softer, but I always had excellent hearing, something that sidetracked my wearing glasses for reading I despised, "Put her wedding dress on her. She said she wanted it at her funer-"

"What?" My voice was quiet. Calm. So contradicting to the tornado of emotions in the pit of my stomach. "Who's funeral?"

I knew. But he and I both knew it wouldn't be real until someone confirmed it, so he parked the car on the side of the road a mile from the hospital and snapped his phone shut before turning to look at me, his eyes kind but sad.

"Elizabeth has died, Edward. Last night. Her body quit working."

_No_.

. . .

**Tada! After waiting forever! Here's your chapter!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note- I'll give a preview of the next chapter to the first person who figures out where I got the title to the story. Also, I'm really sorry about the late update, and the sort of shortness of the chapter.**

**p.s. this fast forwards a few days to Edward's mom's funeral.**

. . .

**Edward POV**

Black.

Black.

The colour of mourning.

I _hated_ black.

I hated all the pitiful looks I got, I hated the awkward pats on the back, but mostly, I hated all the lies.

It'll be alright, Edward. You'll move on, Edward. She'd want you to, Edward.

_Shut up_.

. . .

**Bella POV**

The black skirt I had on felt itchy, and it was a bit hot for my long sleeved shirt, but it wasn't fair to be thinking those thoughts, I kept telling myself, when Edward's mother just _died_.

'_How is he doing?_' The thought flashed through my mind as Renee pushed her way through the throngs of mourners, some crying, other simply looking morose. I banished the thought as soon as it entered.

_'How is he doing? How is he DOING? His mother just died, and I'm asked myself how he's doing.'_ I snorted, partly at myself for asking a stupid question, and partly at the answer, because I knew what it was.

No, he wasn't doing well.

. . .

**Edward POV**

I noticed her walk in with her mother, though I wouldn't have had Alice not pointed it out and latched onto her as if he life depended on it.

I had a half mind to do the exact same thing, only my willpower keeping me in place.

"Go to her, son." My arms rested on my knees, my head bent, and I barely heard my father's words, though even when I did, I ignored them.

Go to her? I was a wreck. I couldn't _go_ to anything, I couldn't _do_ anything. I was pathetic, but the only thing that registered in my mind when I looked up and locked eyes with her, mine slightly puffy, and her's, also, surprisingly so, was,

_'She looks pretty in black.'_

. . .

**Bella POV**

It was excruciating, seeing him like that, so helpless. His eyes were rimmed red and his normally proud posture was slouched and- _ugh_.

He was being torn apart, and I couldn't stop it. _Hell,_ I couldn't even say a word to him, for the fact Alice wouldn't let me go long enough. Her nails dug into my skin- I was so angry for not being able to get to him that I almost snapped at her more than once.

I had walked into the.......room they had her in. It was packed, of course. People were sobbing, people were melancholic, one old woman who simply couldn't take it fainted.

But, even though he looked the best, even though he looked like shit, I knew he was the worst.

And _dammit_, Alice wouldn't fuckin' budge since I walked in. She was like a leech. An annoying leech.

But......she had been affected too, hadn't she? I shook my head. Of course she had. She probably knew Mrs. Mason-

My breath hitched.

What was happening? What........what the hell? Edward......there was something wrong with his eyes.

_There was something wrong with him._

"Alice, let go!" I hissed, then, in a softer tone, "_Please_. I need to see Edward."

"But.....Bella," She tried desperately, looking up at me with what I saw for the first time, hurting eyes, "Edward......I don't think _anyone_ needs to see him right now."

He stood up then, and my eyes widened as I struggled against Alice.

"_Alice_! He's- I _need_ to! Something is wrong with him!"

"Something is wrong with him?" Alice snapped then, letting go of me in her rage, "_Something is wrong with him? His mother just __died__ and you only realized it now_?!!!!!!!"

"NO-Alice-" He was walking out of the door, into the hall, presumably going farther than that, and I was scared. What the hell was he thinking of doing? He.......something didn't feel right. Something felt really, really wrong.

Alice had let go of me- only then had I realized that, and taking my chance, I pushed through the people to the door.

"Bella! _Bella_!" Shit. Alice was chasing after me- but dammit, something was wrong! I could feel it!

. . .

**Edward POV**

What was I doing? Even I didn't know. But I knew one thing-

I was spiraling out of control.

I was stopped numerous times by relatives whom I didn't know, extending their feelings, but I ignored them, too caught up in my self-pity, my numbness.

I stopped infront of my car, clutching the door handle. What was I thinking? I couldn't....

I knew what I had to do.

I knew.

If she wasn't going to live, neither was I.

A flash of chocolate.

. . .

**Bella POV**

Why wouldn't she let go of me? _Why_?

Alice had caught me, the little bitch, and I was sitting beside her, biting my lip until I tasted a familiar metallic taste. It prompted me to laugh bitterly- of all times for me to taste blood, it was at a funeral.

Edward had left 10 minutes ago, but Alice wouldn't let me follow. But......I needed to. I felt something........it was off.

Something was wrong, really wrong.

"Would you like to come with me to see Edward's mom?" Alice said softly then, breaking me out of my trance. I tried hard to not get angry with her. Maybe she was right. Maybe I shouldn't bother him. Maybe my instincts were wrong.

Maybe I shouldn't care so much.

I cared way too much, way too much for Edward, I realized, and I had to find him. I had to.

But I couldn't. Alice was tugging me to the casket, and the people parted as if the Red Sea. I suppose Alice had that ability.

This woman.

She was so delicate, so beautiful......but her eyes were closed.

_'His eyes were closed.'_

What the hell? Where did that thought......

He wouldn't do something stupid, would he?

I shook my head. Of course not. Edward wasn't stupid. He....he was safe. He probably went to go get fresh air or something. Besides, it was unhealthy, the way I was reacting about Edward just leaving.........

I really cared about him. Alot. But.......he had to be alright. He was.

_'Keep telling yourself that, honey.'_

. . .

**No POV**

A flash of chocolate before his eyes, and it was then, he realized, he cared about her. That maybe, he had someone to live for.

Too late.

. . .


	10. Chapter 10

please read author's note at end of chapter.

~_??_~

The chocolate eyed girl squirmed, something akin to fear in her eyes, but the short, black haired teen beside her steadily ignored her counterpart as the priest slowly drug out his words, each as heartwrenching and shattering as the one before it.

"Alice," The pretty, pale, chocolate eyed one spoke softly, her voice reflecting what her eyes begged the friend beside her to see, "Alice. Please. Let me go. Please. _Edward needs me._"

"Edward needs to be alone, Bella," The girl with the black pixie cut spoke firmly, even though, deep, somewhere, in a crevis in her heart, she knew what the other girl on the pew said was very, very true.

She just didn't want to believe it. And that, be as it may, would cost someone their life.

~_B_~

Drip, drip. The rain was falling steadily, easily contradicting the boy's heart. It was slow, a puttering, feeble sound. Hardly heard within the harsh cracks of thunder and lightning. Hardly heard, indeed.

'_Where is my angel?'_ The boy thought forlonly, staring into the deep, dark sky above him, his emerald eyes a dull reminder of what they had been, '_Where is my chocolate eyed angel? I need my angel._'

His angel. He remembered that angel. She had been at the funeral. She was so pretty.

_Where was his angel?_

He needed her. He was dying. It may have been from the slashes on his wrist, but he liked to believe it was from sadness and heartbreak and utter chaos.

'_I need my angel.'_

_'I want my mother.'_

~_E_~

"And we are gathered here today to hold in reverence the life of one beautiful and kind-hearted woman, Elizabeth Ann Masen-"

The priest's humbled voice was ignored; chocolate eyes had more pressing matters to attend to.

Like saving her sort of boyfriend's life.

If, assuming, his sort of sister would let go of her vicegrip on chocolate eyes.

She needed a distraction.

"Everybody, put your hands up and don't move!"

Well, that would do.

"Oh my _god_, please don't rob the body! Please! She's my cousin! Oh _please_! I'll give you anythi-"

_Bang._

And all hell broke loose.

'_A perfect opportunity,_' Thought chocolate eyes wryly, slipping out of the Home of the Dead. She had no idea why a man would find it smart and perfectly suitable to rob a funeral home, but then, by God, the dead couldn't very well fight _back_. So, chocolate eyes supposed, it was, in a roundabout way, one of the smartest places to rob.

Never did it occur to her anyone could die but her sweet, sort of, kind of, probably already dying boyfriend. The only thing that she could process was, '_Oh God, please don't do something stupid, please, I love you....._'

Nor did it occur to her that they weren't even dating and she had just confessed her love for him, trying to save his life.

Keyword. Trying.

Chocolate eyes had so convienently forgotten her mother had the keys- so, she did what any responsible, rational thing almost adult would do in the sort of situation.

She broke in the first car she saw with keys in the ignition.

Pity she was only borrowing it though, it was quite pretty. Yellow, like a race car- looked like it would go fast, too.

She stepped on the gas pedal the second the first killing gunshot fired.

~_B_~

'_Please chocolate eyes, hurry, I don't think I'll still be here soon......_'

~_E_~

'_Edward, oh God, you have to live, you have to......_' She went faster, faster still, not noticing another car, not even knowing where she was going.

~_B_~

'_I think I'm dying, chocolate eyes........B-bella........_'

~_E_~

_Bang._ Blood.

Somebody's dead.

~_??_~

Author's Note

Um, yeah. I can't say how many times how sorry I am. But I can say there's a bit of drama in this chapter! Oh, and it's not edited, because I wanted to get it out really quickly, so if nothing makes sense, please, feel free to tell me.

What can I promise about the next chapter? A _hell_ of a lot of more drama, and I left a big hint somewhere that somebody's well, you know.....-looks up to last line of chapter-

Broken-Rose-Petals

p.s. thank you so much for your kindness! (and patience, like, real patience. To put up with me and my laziness you kinda have to have that. :P)

p.s.s. this one is short, that's a given. but does the drama make up for it?

.........maybe?

(I think this story's length'll be about 15-20 chapters. My personal preference is medium length stories- super long ones turn me off. And, hopefully the next chapter will be out earlier than this one. But no promises. And, I was trying a different format for this chapter. Should I use this one, or stick with my old one used for all previous chapters?)


	11. Chapter 11

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

There was one thing Bella hated most of all; above asparagus, sports, and math.

Hospitals.

They scared her, she wasn't afraid to admit that. Everytime she was in one, she didn't see the happy people walking out of it; she saw the dead bodies being rolled into the morgue under the thin plastic sheets on stretchers.

And right now, Edward was close to becoming one of those dead bodies.

She remembered some force; some goddamn force making her turn into a dead end road that led to a meadow...she had no idea why, really. She just knew she .now.

And when she saw him, the blood dripping from his forehead, the gun beside his head, she broke down in tears. Her mask of indifference broke. She wanted to die with Edward.

She needed to.

But somehow, she found it in herself to call 911 (_"Please, my boyfriend j-j-just sh-shot himself i-in th-the h-head! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God EDWARD!"_), and them sending an ambulance (_"Please calm down ma'am, please calm down. Where are you? We're sending someone right now. Ma'am! Please calm down! I can't understand you! Where are you?"_).

She remembered them boarding his body into the white, flashing van (_"NO! NO! TAKE ME WITH YOU! NO! DON'T TAKE HIM FROM ME!"_), and she remembered sobbing all the way to the hospital, and being kicked out into the waiting room.

And she remembered that horrible, horrible phone call (_"Dead Bella honey, she's dead. Shot by the graverobbers; no honey, I told you. No one can talk to her anymore. No one. Alice is gone, honey."_), and how she refused to leave the hospital (_"Ma'am, we're closing up. You have to go."_) and how she had clung to Rosalie all the way to her house, and for the first time in years, had hugged her mother, sobbing and sobbing and wanting to die with her Edward.

That was six months ago. And here she was, everyday, morning to evening, in that white, horrible little hospital room, listening to the heart monitor beep incessantly, and only hoping and praying Edward would wake up.

Because she couldn't lose anyone else.

She told him about how Alice's funeral was; how the little pixie girl was lowered into a small coffin, a grave dug before his mother's had grass grown over it; before she had even been buried for a week.

She told him about her schoolwork; told him about which college she thought about going to, or if she was just going to get a job and wait for him to go with her so they could go together.

She told him about how Rosalie and Emmett were getting close, and how Jasper looked as if a pained look were always on his face. She told him that she missed him, not just her, but Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, Esme, his father, _her_ mother, Jasper....told him how she would always be late to school because he wasn't there to pick her up anymore.

She wanted him back. She just wanted him back. Bella wanted her Edward back.

So she waited, in that little cramped hospital room, watching Edward's serene face, listening to the _beep beep beep_ of the heart monitor.

--

A light tap to her shoulder jolted her from a nightmarish sleep; nightmares were all she had now, no sweet dreams of getting married and having her daddy walk her down the aisle and little Edward's and Bella's and a picket fence, only nightmares of blood and funerals and black and how ugly the colour was becoming, only nightmares.

She shuddered; the plastic chairs in the hospital rooms were so _hard_. But, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she involuntarily yawned and turned behind her anyways.

Renee was behind her with a bag of some kind of food and a concerned look on her face.

"Honey, you never leave this room unless they kick you out. Nothing's going to happen if you go out to eat for 15 minutes."

"I'm not taking any chances," Bella murmured softly, grabbing the bag and pulling a cheeseburger from it.

The elder woman pursed her lips but didn't say anything, only sat down in the chair beside her daughter. Anyone could tell a disturbing thought was going through her head; she was biting her lip and playing with her hands in her lap.

"Is there something you'd like to say?" Bella couldn't refrain from asking; usually the one that brought her food was Rosalie or Emmett, or rarely Jasper. But never her mother.

"I just- think maybe- uhm. Dear, I just think maybe you should be open to the idea he won't wa-"

"Don't say that!" Bella screeched, jerking up, the bag and cheeseburger falling to the floor. Lettuce and a pattie along with other condiments littered the floor.

"Just don't, _Mother_." Bella spat, her tone slightly less crazed, though there was a note of hysteria that was there. It was always there.

"We're closing up soon to visitors miss. You might wanna leave soon," A nurse poked his head in the door, then, seeing the fight, poked his head back out and walked away, whistling softly. He hadn't seen anything. He wasn't cleaning that mess up.

"I have to go," Grabbing the bag, she kissed Edward lightly on his cheek then slammed the sanitory door shut as she walked out into the hospital halls, leaving her mother dazed, confused, angry, and slightly hurt. She didn't know what to do. Her daughter didn't answer to _anything_. How was she supposed to help her if Bella wouldn't let her in?

--

"Rain, rain, go away, come again another day..." The song was soft on her tongue, the knife sharp on her milky skin, fat, red droplets of blood staining the bathroom tiles under her, but she didn't care about that, only the intricate little design of a sailboat carved into her arm. She would clean the mess later, and no one would ever know.

They never did, except _him_. And he was almost dead anyway. Bella snorted. Renee had said so herself.

She hummed softly as she carved in the sail, hissing as she cut in a puckered, pink scar that was barely a week old; it opened, blood gushing from it. She smiled; what a pretty waterfall for her sailboat.

"Rain, rain, go away, come again another day..." She repeated those lines over and over until her pretty little sailboat was done; Bella smiled proudly at her work. It was easy to tell it was a sailboat, with little waves under it. She dropped the knife carelessly and stood up, rubbing her foot across the tiled floor, a towel under her socked foot.

Soon, the white towel was a deep red, and she tossed it in the garbage can before grinning slightly, touching the sail, and hissed a small bit before stripping of her clothes and into her bedclothes and crawling into the bed. She yawned. She would clean up the mess tomorrow. It was a good enough stress reliever that the clean up was worth it.

--

Renee's eyes widened; what _was_ that red stuff on the towel? And why the hell did it smell metallic?

--

**Author's Note: Erm, sorry. I suck. :( Hope this chappie is good though! Review, please? I'm not making any promises, though I hope I can get the next chappie out sooner, I almost always say that, and feel bad when I don't get to it. Seriously. **

**But, can you guys vote on the poll on my profile? I seriously wanna know what everyone thinks. Everyone's opinion counts, bad or good or in the middle. :D**

FallLilyFall (changed my penname.:)


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